A 25-year-old woman has written to relationship expert Wendy, lamenting about her violent husband seeking help. Her marriage is not what she expected. Here’s her story.
“I AM 25 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE BEEN WITH MY FIANCE FOR ONLY SIX MONTHS. WE IMMEDIATELY MOVED IN WITH EACH OTHER WHEN WE MET AS HE WAS NEEDING A SURETY (I KNOW HE SOUNDS GREAT ALREADY, DOESN’T HE?). HE WAS CAUGHT WITH SOME BAD PEOPLE AND HE HONESTLY WAS NOT REALLY INVOLVED IN WHAT HE WAS CHARGED WITH (EVENTUALLY THE CHARGES WERE DROPPED). HE HAS A BAD PAST BUT HAS HIS STUFF TOGETHER NOW, WORKING A GOOD JOB AND WE HAVE A NICE HOUSE WE ARE RENTING.
I HAD NEVER LIVED WITH A GUY EVER SO IT WAS A NEW EXPERIENCE. IN THE BEGINNING, IT WAS ROCKY; I THINK HE WAS CHEATING ON ME BUT I FORGAVE HIM AS IT WAS ONLY TWO WEEKS INTO MEETING HIM THIS ALL HAPPENED. I CONTINUED TO NOT TRUST HIM AS HE KEPT TEXTING PEOPLE ON HIS PHONE WHILE IN THE BATHROOM, WOULD DELETE ALL HIS TEXTS ALL THE TIME — STUFF THAT SEEMED SUSPICIOUS. I EVENTUALLY ASKED HIM TO CHANGE HIS NUMBER SO I COULD START TO TRUST HIM AGAIN, WHICH HE DID. EVERYTHING WAS GOING WELL FOR ABOUT A MONTH UNTIL ONE NIGHT WE BOTH GOT VERY DRUNK AND GOT INTO A HEATED ARGUMENT — OVER NOTHING! HE GOT IN MY FACE AND HEAD-BUTTED ME WHEN I WAS YELLING AT HIM, KNOCKING ME TO THE GROUND AND CUTTING MY FOREHEAD OPEN.
HE THEN TORE THE PHONE OUT OF THE WALL, SMASHED IT, ATTEMPTED TO TEAR LIGHTS OUT OF THE WALLS, PUNCH A HOLE IN THE WALL. TWICE HE PICKED ME UP BY MY THROAT AND SLAMMED ME DOWN ON THE BED. HE THREW A CELL PHONE AT MY HEAD AS HARD AS HE COULD, RIPPED A NECKLACE OFF OF ME, TORE OFF HIS SHIRT (LIKE THE HULK) THREW ME ACROSS THE ROOM, WOULDN’T LET ME SLEEP (THIS STARTED AT 11:00 AT NIGHT AND HE DIDN’T CALM DOWN UNTIL 5AM) — HE KEPT PICKING UP THE MATTRESS AND ROLLING ME OFF THE BED…IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.
The next day I was ready to leave without telling him. I was considering making a plan when two days after the incident I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified, confused, and scared. I don’t believe in abortion so I was going to have it no matter what. I couldn’t leave him, though, as I had nowhere to go but I was planning out an escape plan. I kept telling myself to just stay calm until I finalized a good plan to leave, but not even a month later I had a miscarriage.
WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AND THEN WHEN I HAD THE MISCARRIAGE HE WAS SUPPORTIVE. HE WAS SO CARING AND CONSIDERATE. AFTER THE MISCARRIAGE, I THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE HIM A CHANCE. I LOVE THE WAY HE LOOKS AT ME, HOW HE CARES ABOUT ME AND LISTENS TO ME. HE’S HONEST WITH ME NOW, AND I TRUST HIM NOW. WE’RE NOW ENGAGED AND THINGS ARE WELL. MY ONLY ISSUE IS IF HE COULD PHYSICALLY HURT AS BAD AS HE DID THAT ONE NIGHT, WHAT WOULD STOP HIM AGAIN WHEN HE IS REALLY MAD OR DRUNK? HE SAYS HE GETS SO WORKED UP WITH ME BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY CARES. HE HAS A TEMPER AND WHEN HE SNAPS OVER NOTHING, HE SNAPS. HE THROWS THINGS, PUNCHES WALLS, PACES ROOMS — IT’S SCARY. HE DOES NOT SCARE ME ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS, BUT WHEN HE SNAPS I FEEL SCARED.
What do I do? Seems like stupid question. I just question what if we have children and he behaves that way? I grew up with abusive parents, and I don’t want that for my children.”
What’s your advice to this lady? Leave a comment in the comment section below.