Why Kenyan Women Must Lower Their Expectations

A woman has become an online sensation after a video of her hysterically crying went viral.

This was after she was overwhelmed by emotions at a music concert by Jamaican Dancehall star, and seemingly her celebrity crush, Taurus Riley in Nairobi.

The visibly smitten woman couldn’t hold back tears, she let them flow freely throughout the concert as she sang along and screamed her voice hoarse.

For most guys of my generation, one of our memorable celebrity crushes was Tina Turner. This was after we heard some of her hit songs such as What’s Love Got to Do with It. We just couldn’t resist her lovely voice. Never mind we initially didn’t know how she looked like.

Back then we didn’t know how some of these celebs looked like because we neither had Internet nor access to glossy magazines. But after a while, we got over Tina.

Kula kwa macho tu

Photo:Courtesy

This was after we began accessing celebs’ images on the Internet, in glossy magazines and stumbled upon super models such as Britain’s Naomi Campbell and other celebs like Whitney Houston, Dolly Parton and, much later, Jenifer Lopez.

For many, it was lust at first sight. Besides the singing talent, Tina Turner had killer legs. As for Dolly Parton, it was her perky breasts and cleavage. Naomi Campbell was a package and a half.

Besides her ‘award-winning derrière’, Jennifer Lopez looked like she could make you sell your soul to the devil just to get her look your way and smile. You saw her spread on a magazine cover and blood started flowing in all the wrong directions.

Of course, we admired these celebrities knowing too well that they would never return the favour.

In fact, most of our celeb fantasies and crushes were treated as a welcome distraction from the rigours of our then mundane lives. We celebrated, lusted and adored them, knowing very well they lived outside our realm of existence.

As boys and in desperation to join manhood, we somehow remained content with our lowly social place in the food chain.

As a young man, you would easily tell a woman was out of your league by simply looking at the men they dated.

Most of these celebs dated billionaires. All we could do was, to borrow street parlance, kula kwa macho tu (salivate).

Unhappily married

Photo:Courtesy

As we grew up and became much wiser, we realised lusting over a celeb was nothing but a wild goose chase that would never bear fruit.

We outgrew the fantasies and faced the looming prospect of rejection. A vital lesson that many women seem to never learn.

Many remain deluded and have unachievable standards, outrageous demands and expectations (lifted from soap operas) of the kind of men they want.

Many judge men and what they expect from them by the standards of their celebrity crushes, leading to unhappiness in relationships or even marriages.

This has made dating, especially in urban places like Nairobi, to be a kin to walking through a minefield blindfolded.

Obviously when your woman compares you to her ideal movie star or celebrity, the relationship will face a lot of problem.

The Kenyan woman expects way too much from their men. Girls, you can’t have champagne experince on a beer budget.

For the uninitiated, a crush is supposed to be a fleeting fantasy. Like a micro-mini skirt, very short.

The tragic thing, however, is that some people never outgrow the crush phase. It is very important for people to understand the rules that govern a crush. I mean, this is an inappropriate liaison and thus not meant to last.

Crush vs sexual harassment

Photo:Courtesy

For starters, lust is forbidden when it is projected towards those that can pass as ‘innocent’ in your immediate environment.

Also, important to note is that having desires of romantic nature towards people of lower cadre, especially at the work place, is not a crush but sexual harassment.

Take, for instance, a boss bothering the receptionist every now and then, or a randy man of the house who can’t leave alone the house girl alone.

Such can’t claim to have a crush on the said individuals. Needless to mention cases of religious leaders offering more than spiritual comfort.

When the age gap between the two parties is significant, that, for lack of a better word, is molestation.

Here, we are talking about those randy teachers who are notorious for taking the biology lesson too far, or older relatives involved in incestuous liaisons with powerless younger kin.

Careful folks about crushes. The worse bit of it is when it turns into stalking. It may appear flattering in the beginning to some, especially women with low self-esteem.

But when it’s taken to the next level, which is the case most of the time, this unwanted attention becomes pain in the wrong place.

Think of being on the receiving end of an ex-lover who just won’t let go.

Photo:Courtesy

Now that’s a stalker in chief, especially when they push you to the extent of considering police action or a retraining court order.

Bottom-line is, let’s get over love that is not (and doesn’t look like it will be) reciprocated. We call that rejection. This is a constant reality in the pursuit of love.

At least most men are familiar with this because they encounter it regularly. Women on the other hand appear blind to this end of the love spectrum.

You reject her and it becomes a big deal. She will cry a river, curse you or even threaten to bewitch you.

The irony of life, as singer Otile Brown sung in one of his songs, is that those we desire do not always feel the same way about us. Personally, my celebrity crush phase said a lot about my then tastes and preferences. I was desperate to date and marry a super model. And so is the case with most men.

Today, most of my then celebrity crushes have nothing on me. Yes, they somehow excite me but hardly meet what I would want in a woman for a partner.

When men prefer elegance to sex appeal

My standards for an ideal woman now revolve around elegance. I am not that much impressed by a woman’s sex appeal but rounded attributes of just a great companion who, among other simple expectations, can look great in a dress. Not nude on social media.

Think Michelle Obama. Given to choose between her and bootilicious Vera Sidika or Nicki Minaj, no prizes for guessing whom I would pick.

Boys and girls, panting after crushes forever is akin to idol worship. It is toxic. In the end, you waste time and end up depressed. There are limits to pushing puppy love. Hunks in Mexican soap operas, for instance, are excito-toxin for women the world over.

A topless Alexandro would easily excite a local girl’s brain cells to death. Sadly, the real men whom she can meet, date and even marry come with numerous flaws. No movie-perfect men around here.

Drop the puppy love whimpering and accept the reality of your relationship as it is, not as you would like them to be.

Forget about Alexandros, lower your standards and cultivate love for the available and accessible local ‘joker’, even if he snores like a tractor, has rancid morning breath like that of a crocodile and farts in bed as if his life depends on it.

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